The world we live in

There has been a lot going on these past few weeks in our world... Floods, famine, and the likes... If anyone receives World Visions e-mail updates, you know what I'm talking about. I think I have gotten some world crisis e-mail almost every single day now for the past couple of weeks. It makes me realize that this world needs Christ now, more then ever. The homosexuals in Maine are absolutely flipping out over their denied marriage bill saying things like, "I don't care what the Bible says, all men are created equal and that means a man should be able to marry whoever he chooses"! Wow... That's about all I have for that comment. It's the same ole thing with the Democrats and Republicans. Now we have moderates, and others saying the conservatives are a separate party. Who cares! We, as a nation have lost focus... We have forgotten who we are and why this country was founded.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, ONE nation, under GOD, Indivisible, with liberty and justice for ALL"

One - God - Indivisible - All

It makes sense to me, and as I sit here, I wonder where it all went wrong? Who broke the chain and went their own direction? We are in serious trouble folks... None of this can be fixed, patched, sure... Patches don't last though! All we have is God, of course that's always been a truth since the beginning of time, but it's a hard truth for some during these current times.

Get over yourselves, get over the politics both in the government and within our lives!

The path Most traveled

Sooo... It's Friday! :) I love Friday's, because it means the next 2 days are full of fun with friends and relaxation in solitude. The past couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least, but hey, life would be way to dull if that were not to be the case. Lord willing after work, here in a few hours, I will be on the lake fishing for the majority of the night, just to get up again a few hours later and play in a golf tournament over in Loudon. It's a 4 man best ball charity event, and hey, who doesn't want to spend a Saturday with good friends smacking a ball around all day? :)

Work has been as busy as ever, but I suppose I would rather be busy then idly sitting around wishing things were more busy. Life is overall pretty good, and has gotten much better the past few weeks. There have been some minor set backs, but what can you do... It's no big deal, whatever happens, happens.

Spiritually things are not so great, but that's no one's fault but my own... There's really nothing that can be done, except by me that is. I'm so thankful for all of my friends and family! In crazy and drastic times, you really learn who is there for you and who isn't. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the church in general... I personally think that we have lost our way, and for the most part, do a better job of leading people astray, then bringing them closer to God. Why is the general consensus of Christians, one that leaves a bad taste in others mouths? Why are all of my friends, who by the way do not attend church, better people in life then the majority of Christians? Why are they hesitant, when I invite them, to show up on a Sunday morning? I think the "church" answer I would get is because they feel guilty for the way they live. No joke by the way, I was actually told that... I'm scared for them to come with me, because I don't want that to be a strain of any kind on our friendships, because of the way that they would get treated or talked down to... Don't get me wrong, I think that in the church I attend, they would be welcomed wit open arms and probably feel great when they left. My issue, is if they continued to come as new believers, the things and attitudes they would see in the months to follow. I'm scared they would be led astray into thinking's that would confuse them even more. I'm not sure how to feel after typing that... It could be completely absurd, and I could be way off the mark... The scary thing is, I might also be spot on! I realized, sitting in my living room the other night, I have made church more about people then God. I have based my faith more so, on friends and people's attitudes, then on the promises of Christ. The thing about that is, when those people fail you, you're whole world comes crashing in. You're devastated and angry, you want to lash out, it's just not healthy.

side note: I am not talking about anything that has to do with me in this section.

That's just something that I have come to realize... Putting faith in anything but the truth, is just wrong! When will we, as being Christians, decide that enough is enough? I've been told in the past, all I can do is worry about what John Hill is doing, to not worry about what Joe Blow is up to. I believe there to be truth in that statement, but there is also some misguidance as well. It creates an attitude of individualism instead of an attitude of unification within the body of believers. I've actually been asked, "why do I care"? What kind of answer do you give a fellow Christian who actually thinks or out right asks that of you? All I can think and say at the time is, "SERIOUSLY"? "Is that a serious question, or are you just being sarcastic"? It made me realize though, that if people of this caliber contain that attitude, then what is someone new to the faith thinking?! These have been people that I have high regards for, and to be talked to like that, just shocked me. It kind of upset me, but in a different way... A sympathetic way. My only question right now is, "Why"? I don't have the answers right now, I'm not sure I will ever have them for that matter. All I know, is that something is wrong.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Until next time...

Gold Team... Up!

<---------------- This was a good evening! We were eating at the Kennedy Center on the Lakota reservation... I looked over, and this was just a few steps from the table some of us were eating at, and I saw this huge storm cloud coming up pretty quick! I wish that I could have taken video, because in this amazing pink, red, and white cloud, bursts of lightning would flash all through out. It was an amazing site, because I love storms, I love them so much!! They calm me, more then anything in this world a horrific storm puts me at ease. I guess it's because it makes me realise I'm not in control and at any given moment I know that the storm could sweep me away. It's one of the only times I ever have just complete faith and trust in God, that He will keep me safe, or that I'll die, but either way I am absolutely not in control. I guess that's why I work really well in chaotic situations... Everything comes into perspective and I can actually focus. If my life is just runnign idle and there seems to be plenty of time to accomplish tasks, I'm the worlds worst procrastinator. I'm not really sure why either, and it's hard for me to break out of this mold. I've been reading this book "Walking with God" by John Eldredge.... I'm taking my time through it, just reading a paragraph here and there a few times a week. I was reading last night about a story he told where he had been thrown from his horse and sustained some pretty serious injuries. He made it a point that this was a storm in his life, and more importantly he really had to guard his heart from making agreements, especially of discouragment and maybe that God really doesn't care about him, because this couldn't have happened at a worse time for him. I haven't gotten to his lessons learned part of the section, and I'm sure it is and was a life changing experience, because he trusted in God throghout. The reason I like John Eldredge so much, is because through his lessons and points he is trying to get acoss to his reader's. he's constantly screwing up and not even taking his own advice. I feel like we are one in the same on 80% of all that stuff. There's a lot going on right now in my life with work, and life in general. Sometimes I don't think I can go one more minute and yet I do... Believe me, it's not by my own strength, or even the strength of God right now for that matter. I just merely exist, and just existing is pretty miserable! I've been talking with my close friends a lot lately, and there's a few of us who merely feel like we're just existing. Life seems extremely stagnant right now, like it's going nowhere and what's the point. Just a month ago I was so optimistic and excited, but lately I have just been merely waking up and going through the day not really caring about anything. There are always things that happen in life that leaves room for agreements to be made, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or seeing Christ for that matter. I've been upset these past couple of weeks, just maybe the last 7-8 days, and I'm not quite sure where it's coming from. I use the term upset, because no one in this state has seen me angry, and Lord willing never will... I would like to think that that's a part of me that is gone, even though I still have the memories from it all. I want to move on, but it's hard... It's hard because I don't know what the next step is supposed to be. I don't think anyone knows, and because of that it's easier to just kind of turn around and act like nothing is happening. I don't think that I'm right all the time, or even most of the time for that matter, but I do have convictions that aren't pushed aside by fear or what others might think of me. Sometimes I think when you are someone who doesn't look to everyone else for approval, that's looked down upon. I'm not quite sure why that is, but everytime I have gotten in trouble, and there have been a ton of those times, it's because I have spoken my mind with no regrets. I'm positive, that a lot of those times I was partially wrong, but I was also partially right... I have always been told to stand down, or standbye and just let it pass over because I wasn't going to win. It's always strange to me that I get told to keep an open mind and understand all points of view, but when I start to talk, that same courtesy is not given back. I just have to deal with it, be a good little boy, because eveyone else knows best. I've always asked the question for myself though... Do they really know best? I'm pretty sure that I am a huge pain in most people's sides, and especially now. I'm sure that I seem like I think I'm 100% right and unwilling to budge at all. That's not the case at all, but what I don't like is that I'm looked at like I'm just wrong and need to see where everyone else is coming from and then understand that I'm wrong, that I made a mistake and now I need to start looking ahead and work and eventually become someone who would never even think twice about ever being like that again, never making that grave mistake EVER... Hmmm... So these are the things that go through my head all day everyday. I've always had to deal with other people's insecurities, and then be told that I'm reinventing the issue. Man, if I had a nickel for everytime I've been told that. In my opinion the issue is always more deeply rooted then just the current situation, but if you go back and look at mistakes made in the past to cause this deeper rooted issue, it's hard to correct it, because it would take a lot of work, and guts for that matter. You would truly be going against the flow... Have you ever been on an escalator when that little kid decides to walk up the wrong way? It's freaking annoying! :) Anyway... I'm not really sure what happens from here. I want to be able to say that my faith is getting me through, and that I'll be good to go. It would just be words if I were to say that though. Honestly I don't know at this point. I know that I should never say something like that though, especially on a blog, because that might make people question who I really am... God forbid that! I'm willing to put myself out there, for everyone to see, even if it brings up more questions, cause when it's all said and done I am who I am... No one will ever be able to say they didn't know. Honesty is the best policy, even if it sucks and hurts really bad... It leaves no room for reflection and doubt. I'm as screwed up as the next guy, my only problem is that everyone see's both the great achievements and my face destroyed after I get up. I'll always stand by my decisions... Right, wrong, or indifferent... At least I made one. The ball is NOT in my court, nothing is up to me at this point and I'm tired of hearing that. It's going to take some guts on other's parts...

Oh yeah, one more thing... Some of this blog is about current issues, and some of it is not... Here's the disclaimer: This is not your blog, it's my blog, it's not written for a cetain person or group of people. It's simply my blog. If you get upset by it, that is probably something you will just have to deal with. I've said this in the past, but I still keep getting comments, like it's personal. If it's personal, I won't be writing about it, until after I've already said something to you, because I don't write things in hopes that it will create a dialogue.

Have a great week!

Have a good one,

out-

Busy, busy, busy!!!!!

Sooo... Things are in full swing and busier then ever! I feel like I don't know which way is up at this point, but as of last night, I exhaled, and followed my bubbles to get me upright again! Only those divers out there will get that little analogy. I'll explain it though... Sometimes when you're scuba diving you get disoriented, especially in open water when it's dark. You get what they call vertigo, which I experience often! It's a terrifying feeling and your whole world is spinning like crazy. Imagine being on a merry go round and someone is spinning you as fast as it will turn! In that process you lose situational awareness and can't tell if you're swimming up or down, so in most situations you find yourself swimming deeper into the abyss, which is not good! Swimming up isn't safe either, because normally its at an uncontrolled ascent... Anyway, the right answer it to calm down and exhale through your regulator and watch which way the bubbles go. That's the feeling, except you're underwater about 70ft! Anyway, the only cure for it, is to grab something and hold onto it and just stare directly into it... In open water, it's your dive partner. In life it's trusted Christian friends and most importantly God! I have definitely been feeling like that for about 2 weeks... I knew it was because my relationship with God was slacking. I used the excuse of being too tired, after "serving" him non stop with all of these activities that are going on. Everything I was telling the kids about how they have to perservere no matter what, I just wasn't doing! I was becoming a hypocrite in just a matter of a few weeks! I'm back on track now and I pray that I will stay there! I realized sitting in my office yesterday, that there is absolutely no way I can do any of this without God. It's just too much! I know in my heart that if I didn't know the truth, I would have quit everything yesterday afternoon, because it was just too much of a burden! Jesus was God, and He was and is God's son, but now I understand more then ever, why He went off to solitary places so often to pray and be with God! It's easy to over extend yourself, and I just never realized this until recently, because I never had this much responsibility before. It's ridiculously overwhelming, and just insane! That is, without God!! With God it's completely bareable, it's enjoyable, and really quite easy. I realize now, why people get burnt out so easily. It's not because they do to much, it's because they're not doing enough! In the military, it's the sacrifice of a few for the greater good of many! That's a noble way to look at it, when you're talking about the defense of a nation, and it's completely true. However, we've adopted this into the church. It's crazy people!! It's a crap excuse! I know that you're thinking, "oh here John goes with his ranting and raving!" but seriously, am I wrong? Okay, maybe I'm not sensitive in saying what I think, but sensitivity in the truth is kind of pointless. It leaves room for excuses! There are certain situations where it can be used, but those are far and few in between. What's wrong with telling someone diectly to their face that they're screwed up! Who cares if they get upset!! As long as you are still loving them, and doing it to correct them, what's wrong with that?? I'm sure most would say nothing is wrong with that, so my response is why aren't we doing it then? Why are a few people busting their butts, and everyone else is standing on the sidelines?! You know what one of the biggest insults to me is??? Well, I'll tell you! It's when someone comes up and says, "Thank you for what you are doing, I could never do that, it's just not my calling!" Are you freaking kidding me??? How do you know? It doesn't make any sense... In my mind I'm hearing, "thanks for what you're doing, and all the hard work you're putting in, it really takes a load of my shoulders, because I was feeling guilty for not doing jack crap! Now that you're doing it, I feel much better!" Granted, there are those that come up and say thanks, who are doing way more then I ever could, and it's a real blessing to have them say something like that to me, because honestly, who am I?? I'm nobody! I mean that too! I know most have the impression that I think I'm the worlds greatest thing since sliced bread! These are the people who sit back and judge, these are the ones who are so angry with themselves because they're weak! They see someone who is confident in themselves, and they want to tear that person down, that way they don't have to feel bad about themselves! To my limited knowledge the Bible doesn't say to take your time, figure things out, hang out for a while, and then if it feels good, get baptized, because that would be super cool of you... I'm pretty sure it says to REPENT and be baptized. This is just an example I'm using... Repent, to realize you are going in the wrong direction and turn around in changing! I' pretty sure that's a 180, not a 130 to 100 to 90 to 60 to 20 to 0...

Anyway, I'm not angry... I was just thinking about that on my drive to work this morning. I know change is supposedly coming with this "new vision" and all, I just don't understand why it has to take a whole sermon series to get 1 or 2 people to sign up to help out. You'd think there would be so many people willing to help, some would have to be turned away. I guess not, so I will just settle with the excuse of "that's just the way it is" By the way, that has to be the lamest thing I have ever heard!

Have a good one!

Dear Bopha

Dear Bopha:

These are tough financial times, and working for $2 per day to help provide for your family is also really helping us here in the west. I thought I should write a quick note of thanks.

First some good news: Gas prices are lower. For a while it was getting scary. I was afraid I would have to sell my SUV! That would have been hard on us (it would have taken days to clean all the stuff out the back). Now that oil prices have gone down, your mom should be able to buy the ½ cup of cooking oil you’ve been doing without for so long. This means she will be able to cook a meal every once in a while for your family. Cheap oil is a great blessing to us all, isn’t it? You can cook, and I can continue driving at 15 miles per gallon.

I know the amount you’ve been getting paid has been dropping like a stone lately. This stupid credit crunch is freezing everyone up from buying things right now. I guess part of the problem is debt. I should know. I have four credit cards maxed to the limit. Plasma TVs are really expensive here - it’s unbelievable how much they want for a 50″ screen! Since I didn’t want to put more on my credit cards, I was forced to take out a second mortgage on my home so I could buy the boat. This was unavoidable. Although we can only use it only a few months out of the year here in Wisconsin it was something my family felt we really could not do without. As you look at the attached photo I think you will see why. Isn’t it beautiful?

So anywho, all this borrowing seems to played a role in freezing money up in a serious way. Therefore, it is all the more important that you keep working twelve hour days for so little. We are all doing what we can. I realize the cost of rice has risen above your ability to pay. But let me tell you, my family and I are standing in solidarity with you. You will be glad to know that I have started buying the cheaper coffee to cut down on our grocery bill. This is sort of funny in a way because I’ve had to stop buying fairly traded stuff. The bright side is that this should help your friends, as I know their employers do not believe in fair trade.

The really scary part is that the money I had invested in emerging markets like Darfur is now only worth half of what it was last year at this time. Believe you me … you are fortunate your family has no savings.

So, I thought I’d write this little note encouraging you to keep working so I can get some good stuff for Christmas this year.

Gratefully,
Your Friend in America

P.S. Sorry to hear about your sister being sold into the brothel, but it’s wonderful that your mom can now get the medicine she needs. Once she starts working again and your dad stops drinking, your situation could really start looking up.

Author Bio: Scott Bessenecker is the Director of Global Projects for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. One of his incredible privileges is standing alongside young men and women who have left affluence to seek Christ among the poorest of the poor.

I thought this was amazing!! I was reading Dennis' blog and saw this in the Sunday seven. Anyway, I couldn't agree more with the satire! I think this hits home more then ever, and especially after the past 2 days at camp spent doing the 30hr famine. I was really encouraged this weekend, by the conviction that the junior high kids and some of the highschoolers felt after this weekend... I'm proud of them also!! I didn't get to spend that much time with the high school group, but I saw Shelby Hickle with her parents last night, and she had a sponsorship packet from World Vision! I was VERY impressed and inspired! Not only was there a conviction, but an action afterwards! Putting faith into action, no other words need to follow! I know of other high schoolers that have already been sponsoring a child on their own, and that is amazing as well!! As far as the junior high class... Wow! 5 kids decided to sponsor 2 kids together... The really cool thing about that, is they made it a class project with the confidence that everyone else would get on board and with the extra money raised outside of that at the end of the year would use it in the 1 Life Revolution project to buy goats and chickens and what not! BUT... Even if the rest of the class did not get on board, their decision was to take responsibility and endure the 60.00 a month cost themselves. That is a really cool and selfless act for 6th, 7th, and 8th graders! Something else that has really hit home the past couple of months, is that Christ calls us ALL to be disciples, to go out into the world and make disciples of all nations! He does not call "some" of us to do that... It's not okay to think that! It's not okay to think that your calling is to attend church a couple times a week and tithe 10% and support those "disciples" who feel lead to do such things. It's just not true, it's wrong!!

Sooo... Some people have questioned my last blog post... You know, I was just letting out some aggression in a mix of sarcasm and seriousness. I apologize for any misconceived notions that may have been formed after reading that. I'm not saying that I won't do it again sometime, but hey, it's my blog right?

Have a good one!

God is Good!!

Sooo... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've really started meditating on God's word a whole lot more lately, and am actually seeing the benefits from that. It's weird, and a real "mystery" :) how when you come upon different difficult situations in your life, God speaks to you through scripture that you have read and thought about. That's happened twice this week already. JP got these books for the high school and junior high classes, the book is called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Chan is the minister of a very large church out in Simi Valley, CA. His ideas are amazing, but more so, because probably 40% of the book is direct scripture. After watching one of his videos online, I actually found myself on my knees in my office at work praying. I feel like my life is changing dramatically for the good, and I'm really trying to let God take over every aspect of my thoughts. That's my biggest issue, what goes on inside of me... I'm messed up, and I'll be the first to admit that... Now that I've realized how much, it's extremely painful to invite God into those parts and fix it. Mainly because even though He already knows what's in there, I'm ashamed that I've even tried to hide those things from Him. I've found that I'm more emotional in front of God, and honestly I hurt more now. In a way I think it's because a lot has been going on family and friend wise with deaths, sicknesses and a friend who is probably going to be dead before the end of this week. It's bitter sweet... All of this happened on my way to TCTC, and more news came down over the weekend. In spite of all of those events, the weekend was amazing, and more so the time I was able to reflect and be in God's presence. On top of all of that, 3 people got baptized in the pool at the hotel, one more on Sunday night, and two more within the next week or so! All of them were in junior high except for one. I'm at a loss for words, and all I can do is praise God for everything that happened this past weekend. I'm so excited for this upcoming book study... My prayer is that in the end, the kids will desire to have a personal relationship with God. A desire to read His word. A desire to talk with Him constantly. Finally, a desire to be the city on a hill! Things are hard right now, and that is no understatement! The really crazy thing about it all, is that I'm thankful, and not depressed. I've never experienced gratitude in a time of trouble. The world says that I have every right to be down and depressed and even do things that are out of the norm and it's okay, because I need a release. Maybe a few years ago I would have taken that advice, but I don't want any of that. I want to thank God, and I want to talk with Him. My true desire right now, in this moment, is that I could see Him physically. That maybe He could put His arm around me and just hang out for a little while. With all of that being said, I'm happy... I don't know where any of this is going... It's pretty exciting actually! I know that for the time being, nothing else matters. I still have a long way to go, but I want to do what I can, to make what ever kind of difference that I can make in my short insignificant time on this earth. I want to continually be grateful for whatever part that I am to play, and am truly remorseful for all the time I've wasted thus far.

God is good!

Until next time...

Rehab is for quitters

MAN! These past couple weeks have been out of control... Sometimes in a good way, others in just a really crappy way. I'm sitting here typing, and my thoughts are everywhere but focused. This Christmas was pretty much depressing! I have to say that I had a great time at my dad's and it was just relaxing. It was what I was hoping the entire season was going to be like. I'm very grateful for the time I had with my family, and that's what I'm trying to focus on. It's hard though, because in the back drop of it all, was my grandmother, who was just miserable. It's really a terrible feeling seeing someone in such pain and discomfort and not being able to do a thing about it. It did keep everything in perspective as far as relying on God a whole lot. I bet I drove back and fourth from Knoxville at lease twice a day for those two days. While I was praying at the candle light service I just about fell asleep. Work is non stop and difficult at this point in time... I like the work, but I feel like that's all I've been doing lately. As soon as I get home from work, I turn the computer on, check my outlook e-mail, make some work phone calls, and continue to work for a couple more hours. I've really been lacking on running. I'm luck to get in more then 2 days a week, and so in those 2 days I have to run 8 miles or more to keep in shape. The whole time I'm running I'm thinking about how many e-mails I'll have when I get back. Sometimes there are none, and others a whole lot. I know this sounds like complaining, and in a way it is I suppose... What it brings me back to, is thankfulness for a job! In another way, it makes me go back to my thinking of "this isn't what life's about!" I've been working really hard on looking at things from a blessed and grateful point of view every time a concern or problem arises. I start to get down about my grandmother and then thank God for the healing he's already provided and the time I get to spend with her. It's definitely still a work in progress, but one that I want to achieve.

I've been talking to the junior high kids about being faithful. I've had to search deep, because when I started thinking about points and lesson views I realized that I'm not all that faithful myself. It scared me, and in return I taught a lesson that was kind of frightening in itself, because I questioned everyone's faith. I love those kids though, and sometimes I come off really hard on them in the discipline arena, but it's because I want them to be better. Some of them actually look up to me, and I'm not sure I like that. Who am I, to be an example to these guys? It's hard... It's as hard as giving the communion meditation. You talk about an unworthy feeling, I had it! It's a big deal leading people into the remembrance of Christ and serving communion, an honor no doubt! Some look at it as a chore, and a pain... I guess I can see where they are coming from, but in all reality it's a privledge and something that is pretty darn serious. I'm not sure that I'm cut out for this teaching thing... The more I do it, the more I feel like a hypocrite. Maybe God is using this to show me where my so easily overlooked faults and problems are. It's working!

Well, I'm exhausted! I'm going to take a nap like an old guy, before church tonight. You lose your edge for 1 minute with those guys and they'll have you hog tied before you know it :D

Until next time...
chow